Every year, a new generation of graduates is unleashed into the world. Many speeches will be delivered on this occasion. Some will inspire enthusiasm. Others will bore their listeners. If you want to give a speech that makes your audience laugh, applaud and rise from their seats, then read these five tips for funny and inspiring graduation speeches.
Tip 1: Pick a Hilarious Opener
Great speeches offer some pieces of useful life advice to the graduates while entertaining their audience at the same time. The best way to achieve that is humor. The best moment to start is the very first sentence of your speech. Talk show host Conan O’Brien began in his speech at the University of Dartmouth in 2011 like this: “Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things: Good morning and congratulations…”
O’Brien went on: “When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall, played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened computer.”
The humor in the speeches delivered by the graduates themselves is often a bit different from that of older speakers. The humor in the speeches by graduates often plays with the fact that now, after passing the exam they afford to speak up more freely.
Even small taunts to the teachers are allowed, as long as they don’t go too far. Like this for example: “At the beginning of my speech, I want to thank the teachers. They do not always have an easy life with their students. They are often incredibly loud, they cannot focus well and for long stretches of time they have absolutely no clue what the class is all about. That’s right, dear teachers, I’m talking about you. But the fact that all students who are sitting in front of me today have successfully reached their degree shows that despite these deficits, you have done well. I think, that deserves a big round of applause.”
A funny opener to the speech of a graduate can also go like this: “When Dean Rogers was considering who of his students would be a good candidate to to deliver a speech at this graduation ceremony, my name was at the top of his list. The title of this list? Worst Case Scenario.”
Speakers of the older generation often play with the fact that the graduates are in a transition between different phases of their lives. A funny comment on that could sound like this: “In all cultures, the transition of young people into adulthood has always been an occasion for celebrations and rituals. Zoé Indians in the Amazon jungle used to drive a wooden stake through the lower lip of their youngsters to celebrate their full tribal membership. Anyone who wants to be recognized as a member of the Maasai tribes in East Africa had to kill a lion by himself armed with nothing but a wooden spear until just a few years ago. And in the Catholic Church, the priest used to slap youngsters on their cheeks at Confirmation up until a few decades ago. By comparison, our graduates today are getting off relatively lightly. The worst thing that’s been done to them is that they have to listen to a speech by me.”
Hundreds of funny and inspiring ideas by America’s top graduation speeches can be found here.
Tip 2: Give Useful Life Advice – with a bit of tongue in cheek
Graduation speeches provide an opportunity to provide some tips for a successful future. However, it is necessary to present pieces of advice in a light way. The best way to do that is – you might have guessed it – add a pinch of humor.
A good example is the speech by talk show host Ellen DeGeneres in 2009 at Tulane University in New Orleans. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.”
The actress Amy Poehler recommended a college in her speech in Harvard 2011:
“That you are very smart does not mean that you are not allowed to say ‘I do not know that’. Being in demand does not mean you cannot even say, ‘I need some more time to think’. What I’ve just told you might soon prove helpful, for example in your next job interview or if your parents ask when you’re finally going to move out. Then you say, ‘I do not know. I need some more time to think.”
Your audience should always feel that despite all the serious ideas you have to share, you don’t take yourself too seriously, for example like Tim Minchin did in his speech at the University of Western Australia in 2013: “You may find some of my tips inspiring, some of you may find them boring. Surely, you will have forgotten all of them next week. “
Lots of witty phrases for graduation speeches can be found here.
Tip 3: Do Not Talk About “Real Life”
Well-worn phrases will make your listeners lose interest very quickly. The worst concentration killers are banal phrases like “Today is the first day of the rest of your lives” or “it’s tough out there” or “I’m here to tell you something about real life”.
Clichés like these have little meaning, but they have great potential to bore your listeners. Therefore you should have a close look at your finished text and see if you can detect and cut out such phrases.
You can, of course, play with these often-used phrases. Author John Green, speaking at Butler University 2013, said, “I am expected to share some thoughts with you that will help you navigate your ‘real life’ life. Let me first of all tell you that the life you have in front of you is just as real as the life you have lived so far. “
Comedian Andy Samberg did this in his speech in Harvard: “Class of 2012, you are graduating from college that means this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope that’s worse. This is a day.”
Tip 4: Get to the Point and Come to the End
Speeches are like love affairs: It’s not difficult to start one. But only few people manage to end them gracefully. A pleasant exception was Jimmy Kimmel’s speech in Las Vegas in 2013: “With your degree you have not only proven that you are smart people. You have also shown something even more important. You have proven that you can finish something. That being said, I think this is a great opportunity to show that I can finish something as well and finish this speech.”
Denzel Washington concluded with his graduation speech at the University of Pennsylvania 2011 like this: “When you leave the friendly confines of West Philly: Never be discouraged. Never hold back. Give everything you’ve got. And when you fall throughout life—and maybe even tonight after a few too many glasses of champagne—fall forward. [Learn from your experiences] Congratulations, God bless you.”
Hundreds of funny and inspiring ideas by America’s top graduation speeches can be found here.
Tip 5: Thou Shalt Not Fear
A rousing graduation speech needs a hilarious opener, humorously-packaged wisdom and a crisp conclusion. However, there is something even more important than all this: your enthusiasm. Your audience must feel that you are excited about the things you are telling them.
Unfortunately, this is something many speakers struggle with. The reason for this is usually stage fright. Some people are simply too scared of public speaking to ignite the spark in their audience.
However, there is a simple cure for your anxiety. Don’t take yourself too seriously – and let your listeners know that. Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling did a pretty good job at this in her graduation speech in Harvard in 2011: “The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honor, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight.”
Author George Saunders, speaking at Syracuse University, said: “Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is: Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life, has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me), gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them (that would be you). And I intend to respect that tradition.”
More humorous phrases that will relax even the most terrified of speakers can be found here. Take these five tips to heart and you will give a graduation speech that will sweep your audience off their feet. Good luck to you!